The philosophy of change (chapter 1)
Start with: The phylosophy of change (Preface) then come back on Chapter 1
“There is no such thing as failure, only those who fail to follow their dream” – David Hempleman-Adams, Adventurer
Ella repeats this sentence over and over again in her head…
May 6th Early in the morning
She is taking her luggage and goes to the door. One glance more on her apartment just to be sure that she took everything.
“I hope I took everything” – she said to her Man.
“What you didn’t we will buy” – he said.
“How easy” she thinks, but she is very sensitive now on every sentence, movement, look, voice tone…
“Everything? What is everything actually in this case? Clothes, shoes, perfumes, underwear…? Or perhaps memories, feelings, connection with her loved ones? Can we buy that also?” She keeps her thoughts to herself.
She locks the door and comes out. Town is still sleeping, streets are empty. It smells good, however it sounds weird in big city…
Morning flight. Fear of flying suppresses all other feelings. She doesn’t speak much, she takes her “lucky pill” in order to be a little bit relaxed. Fear is perhaps bigger now, because she does not want something happen to her, NOW when she decided to follow and live her dream.
She almost can not remember the day before. Was she with her son, mother, friends? What she knows for sure: she was with her Man, and certainly she was packing herself. Other: Black hole…
“It was probably too painful for me and I pushed that pain in some drawer of my subconscious” – she is thinking.
“Well my dear, you pushed the pain away only temporary, and soon or later, you’ll need to aware it and face with it. If doesn’t hurt you now, does not mean that it will not hurt you later. Once, in a moment of weakness, loneliness, nostalgia perhaps… pain will appear, as your own shadow and you cannot escape from your shadow, nobody can! – she was talking to herself during she was getting on the plane.
She sits by the window – She!? Who has fear of flying! There is something perverse in that. She has always elected seat by the window, despite the irrational fear. Someone once said to her that people who have a fear of aircraft/flying, actually have a fear of losing control over their life, that someone else take over the control of their life instead of them.
“There is logic in that” – she was thinking and made a connection with herself’.
Aircraft is starting with rolling on a runway and Ella is expecting an unpleasant moment of takeoff and she asks herself: “Are you aware of the size of steps you are making Ella?”
Aircraft is detaching itself from a runway and Ella is detaching herself from the kind of life she knew until then. She is looking at the panorama of the city where she was born and lived 42 years. The city, in which she experienced her first love and all other loves, found wonderful friends, had a good reputation as a successful business woman, in which she danced on the tables in the restaurants until morning, then go to the bakery and have a breakfast, celebrated victories of basketball and water polo teams of her country on the streets, participated in various protests for better tomorrow… The city in which she leaves now her loved ones…
Be continued…
Hello, I like your text. It openes so many important issues of life. Many women sacrifice their lives for their children (or their parent or a husband, not necessarly a child). Years pass by and children grow up and go away from their homes. Women stay with their husbands, in often, not so good relationships (marriages that were based on raising children). She is one unhappy person with empty life, sad and bittered,has no friends, has bad communication with her husband,bad communication with her children, no story to tell, an adventure to remember, a secret that keeps her warm and makes her smile. She gives bad expample to her children (that life is all about sacrifice), instead to show to her children that in life everything is possible, dreams do come true, and that life should be lived till its full ,and that the only thing we should be afraid is the fear itself. And it is also important to say that we can do the best we can for our children, for our parents etc. and they still end up hating us because of their own reason. Or, we can do the best we can for ourselves, we can take risks, follow our dreams, try to overcome our fears, be happy and change for the better someone elses life too. So I put a thumb up for Ella and am looking forward for another chapter.
I agree with you. I know that. I will hurry up!
Thank you for your support. Ella
I’m very curious about your story. Please continue!! I recognize so much but i can tell you that “the good old times” only are present in your memory. When you go back it never will be the same. So hurry up dear with your writing.